McDonald's - not one of my better ideas today

We had a lot to do this morning, and more going on later this afternoon, so I thought that we could kill some time mid-day by going to McDonald's. I could feed the kids lunch and let them run off some energy in an air-conditioned indoor space. Awesome, right? In theory, yes.

Here are some things I learned today:

1. Alex is now able to climb to the very tip top of the indoor playscape at McDonald's.
   
2. Alex is not, however, able to get down from tip top of the indoor playscape.
3. Meredith is not able to coax her brother down either. She is, however, able to squeal loudly that her Mommy is IN the playground, thus attracting the attention of everyone else within earshot.
   
4. All of those tubes, climbing spaces, and slides in those fast food playgrounds are not made for grown ups. They'll support the weight of an adult, but not the overall size of one. You have to be very flexible to fit into those spaces.
5. I am, in fact, small and flexible enough to squeeze myself into those spaces, but not without giving giving myself a serious crick in my neck.
6. If you must go up to the top of a playscape like this to retrieve a stuck toddler, go out with him the way you came in. Despite what you might think, the slide is NOT the fastest way out.
7. Alex loves slides, but if he's traumatized from being stuck, he will not willingly go down one, which means that I'm THAT mother who pushed her kid down a tube slide because it seemed easier than trying to turn around.
   
8. No matter how steep the pitch of a curvy, twisty slide may be, a toddler is capable of stopping himself mid-slide if there is a grown-up crammed into the slide behind him. For half of the trip down, I did an awkward scoot in which I tried to lift Alex up enough for us to slide, all the while he was trying to brace himself against the walls of the slide.
   
9. If there are other Dads in the vicinity, they will not offer to help you retrieve your child, even if they are clearly in much better shape than you are.
10. They will, however, sit at their tables and laugh at your predicament, and then when you are finally free of the playground equipment say to you, "Too old for that shit, huh?"

Once rescued, Alex returned to his seat to eat another french fry and pour milk all over himself. ~headdesk~

We've officially reached the point where Meredith is generally easier to handle when we're out and about, and Alex is the impulsive and difficult one. I think we're done with McDonald's for a while.